Status Makes all the Difference…

A woman that is one level above a jump off but always a step below the wife, wifey, girlfriend. A side b*tch must know her part. She does not get holiday’s, birthday’s (other than her own). While he may meet your family. You will never meet his. A side b*tch is a woman who will have sex on Feb. 1-13 and spend Valentines day alone.

Saturday night, I was out in Uptown Charlotte with a gang of folks celebrating my boy Rodrique’s b-day. There were drinks, wings, bowling, and talking shit, i.e. a great night. The fun continued from the bowling alley to some random house party, then finally to IHOP. There are 9 of us seated at 2 tables—at least there are until Rodrique leaves for an unknown Charlotte, locale to pick up a woman, promising to return shortly.

We’re trying to wait for Rodrique to return before we order since it’s his birthday celebration. So to pass the time, we all chat idly. At my table, the topic of who pays for the bill on a date comes up. Kewon presents this scenario to Shalonda, “What if a waiter slides the check to you first? Would you pay?”

Shalonda ponders the idea for a moment. “Is this a first date?”

Kewon nods. “Yeah, it is, but in general would you pay?”

She shrugs. “Not a problem… if it’s not a first date, of course.” Pause. “And I’ll happily pay if I asked him out.”

Rodrique finally returns with his “friend” Tori (40 minutes later) and introduces her around to the crew. She’s a very attractive sista, and every dude held that same “DAMMMMN!!” look (dudes you know that look). After we meet her, she saunters to the other table and takes the seat next to my boy’s. He parlays with us for a moment and I resist the urge to dap him up on his latest acquisition. I’m trying to figure out exactly what she is – she’s new, so is this potential wifey? A J.O.? He’s bringing her out at 3am. Gotta be a J.O. Then again, she’s meeting all the crew, including the girls. The J.O., especially a new one, would never meet the friends at any hour. Must be a PoW (potential (of) wifey). Hmmm.

We order, we wait, we eat and then bill time comes. The waitress informs us that the checks will have to be divided individually because this IHOP doesn’t take different cards on a large check (you know Black people never carry cash.) She hands all ten of us our separate checks and nine of us proceed to pay.

Rodrique takes his bill, reaches into his wallet, and pulls out a $20 to cover his meal, plus tax and tip. Check paid and stomach full, he relaxes back in his chair without a care in the world.

Tori’s bill is resting on the table. She is looking at it the way a woman looks at a small insect (not roach) that has invaded her home—part fear, part curiosity. She stares, and stares and stares at the paper print-out for what seems like an eternity. I guess she finally realizes that Rodrique is not reaching back into his wallet for her, so eventually she goes into her pocketbook and fumbles for some singles or a ten, anything to pay for her own damn food. She settles her bill and looks off into the distance. Clearly she is pissed. (Me and my boys laughing at her from the other table hasn’t helped matters, I guess.) I feel bad for her, but now I know the right answer to my question.

When we leave the restaurant, the Uptown crew, who are copping a ride back together, give Rodrique and Tori space to walk ahead of us as we follow them to Rodrique’s truck. We’re far away, but not so distant that we don’t hear Tori hiss at Rodrique, ” I can’t believe you acted like such an asshole. I’m soooo embarrassed!!!”

I figure it’s gonna be a long time before we get back. This sista is about to flip and he’s going to have to drop her wherever she came from before we head home. Maybe she was–a PoW. J.O.’s play thier position. and this sista is about to spaz.

Tori gets in the car, taking the passenger seat. Reluctantly, we pile in the back. I’m only half-way paying attention, but when I become fully alert, I realize we’re on the highway, headed to Concord at 5:30 am—no detour.

I chuckle to myself and settle back to knock out till the truck pulls in front of my house.

Actions speak louder than words. Jump off. Definitely.


9 responses to “Status Makes all the Difference…

  1. Definitely JO. And I can see why, because after she paid for her food, she should have been in a taxi (or whatever) going home. And Rodrique should have been made to know he’s scum and history with just a look–no words.

  2. He brings her out at 3:00am in the morning and can’t even pay for her meal? Jump off or not that is not cool. It would have probably only cost him $10 – 15 dollars the most. Your friend sounds like an ass. He also sounds like he brought that woman around to show off.

    I say it before and I say it again I just don’t understand men.

  3. Now to play devil’s advocate, what if in the discussion prior to going to get said JO, she invited herself? Then is he obligated to pay?

    Me personally, I don’t go nowhere with anyone unless we know upfront who is paying for what. I find that it keeps down a lot of drama on the back end.

  4. James

    What you are suggesting sounds fine, but in my opinion you are robbing yourself of an opp to catch a glimpse of what type of person you are dealing/dining with.

    The moment the check arrives at the table, is very similar to the moment of truth described in a BRONX Tale. You know the one, where u can tell if you are riding with a good girl by her getting the door for you as you walk around to yourside of the car.

    The moment the check arrived was the moment when I used to:

    1- Show that I have me, and will always have me – by reaching for the check and seeing the total.

    2- Show that not only do I have me, I have you too- By pulling out the full amount of the bill.

    This is where I see if I am dealing with

    A MAN, who will appreciate my kind gesture, but not accept it

    A MAN, who can appreciate an independant woman and accept that I pay my way.


    A MOUSE MAN (I gotta Soca song for those who know that GOODIE does indeed Got IT), the one who will watch me foot the entire bill.

  5. Olivia, I feel you. You alrights with me. Most of the men I date will definitely be the type to appreciate the gesture but not actually take advantage of it.

    My logic is that when I go out, I want to enjoy myself and not worry about the cost. I don’t like the “Who’s going to pay the check?” game. So I find that finding out who has what up front keeps us from experiencing those awkward moments like Cam’s friend and the J.O.

  6. Smart rule James.

    You should ALWAYS man or woman bring your own money i.e. food/cab fare. Just in the off chance that he/she act up, etc. That’s just common sense. As for John, not sure what he thought. She definitely wasn’t wifey, s/o, or anything of the sort. At least not at this stage in the relationship. I’m sure he noticed the pause as her bill came. Maybe he expected her to pay for him( keep in mind it was HIS b-day). She didn’t. Or could he have been testing her? Some men do that so they can see if a woman assumes that he is going to pay. If she immediately went for the grab, he may have said, “nah babe, I got it.” Who knows. Personally if I were in that situation the j/o would have never even been there.

    Gotta love the comments. When I mentioned this scenario to some friends yesterday, the reactions were truly all over the place. In the end I’m sure they both got what they wanted. Such is life…..

  7. All I can say is WOW. I agree: play your position and practice what you preach. I don’t have a problem paying for myself (though any man that assumes I should without telling me of this expectation is in for a rude awakening – finishing a blog about that right now). But she should have played it all and since she didn’t, she definitely shouldn’t have so obviously played herself. She only made it worse.

    ETA: Even thought it was his b-day, if she was that special she would have been celebrating the whole time. Since she was only good for 3 am post celebrating, she should know to pay her own way.

  8. This is funny, but in the same tone she shouldnt have expected for him to pay. She obviously was a J.O. who I guess from his standpoint needed to eat before they went “HOME!”. The only thing that puzzles me is that she obviously didnt know her position, but her position could have been skewed in her eyes because she introduced her to his crew! Rule#1 Im not introducing any J.O. to my crew at 3am at IHOP! She will need to meet me at the crib and I will glady bring you a Rooty Tooty FRUITY 3 Stacks and side of grits. Whats $9.99 gonna hurt??? Hahahaha. The J.O. name will forever be nicknamed “EGGS” LMAO!

  9. JO’s can play the roll happily for months without even knowing their place. Every woman has had, at some point in life, the idea of their life becoming that of a wife and/or mother. It’s a natural instinct. So, no woman wants to be considered the JO simply because once a man enters their body, an instant connection forms for that man. Also, no woman wants to be considered as a ho, even if she is one. Pimps and prostitutes are a perfect example. To a prostitute, her pimp is her man. She will do anything for him. She would listen and believe every word he tells her. She would go as far as having sex with other men for him, she even would share him with other woman. To her mind, she is his only woman. In her mind, she has a connection with her pimp that nobody else has. At the end of the day however, she sells body to men. In this situation with you boy Rodrigo or whatever, this had to happen because the terms weren’t set. Think about it, who writes a contract before having sex? His lack of remorse for him not paying was his signature and her giving it up at the end of all that is her’s. As far as meeting his peoples, it’s his birthday (that’s an automatic mulligan)! Lol. Everyone deserve to get what they want on their birthday. I can imagine that he just wanted a piece and he didnt care if you guys judged him. Why? Because its his birthday.

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