So I check my e-mail, and this is what I read:
I know that you have entitled yourself the go to girl on living single over 30. I am a writer just like you, and have started my own blog. I must admit your ranting and rants have inspired many of my post. Well my latest post is one that I felt you would Amen too. Please read and respond. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Not sure if you heard, but there is a recession creeping across America and aside from the middle Americans who have foreclosed on their homes, that single mother who lost her job and can’t feed her kids or the college kid who is no longer getting financial aid, single women are suffering. If you are unwed, unattached and out on the dating scene, like myself, you may have noticed something is amiss. Walk past any nice restaurant between the hours of 6-10pm and you’ll find empty seats. You’re out to dinner with your girls and you notice that there are several tables filled with girls just like yourselves, laughing, sharing plates, or mixed pairs but mostly parties of 3 or more. No, your mind isn’t playing tricks on you. The dinner date is dead!
I began noticing the extinction of dinner as a early stage date option mid-summer. I kept hearing the words “Coffee Date” or “Lets meet for coffee”. For one, I do not drink coffee; have never felt tempted to drink coffee nor do I find the inside of a Starbuck’s charming. In fact they all have faint aroma of homelessness and laptop dust. Still, my friends and I wondered what is this about. I asked the men and the explanation was…well it was…
“It’s a recession and I need to know that you have real potential before I come up off $75, $100 for dinner.”
Looky here, if you think you can take two hours of my time to ask me all types of personal questions while I sip on some hot shit I don’t want while my stomach is doing cartwheels cause I hotfooted it over here on my lunch break for coffee, you have another thing coming.
LET’S DO THE MATH:
1 cup of coffee/tea/fancy fruity shit = $4.79
Time spent in coffee shop, talking = 2 hours
Cost of travel to and from coffee date = $4.00 (on public transportation in NYC)
$4.79 / 2 hours + $4.00 – the chances of you seeing me again = You’re a cheap bastard
I can understand being on a budget but you mean to tell me that somewhere between paying $4.79 for a vente Kujichagulia and $40 per person for dinner, you can’t find a nice eatery that will cost you $30 for the whole shabang? Chinese? Thai? BBQ (not BBQ’s the hood chain spot with the steroid chicken wings)? These types of food don’t cost $75 for two. Be inventive and find places with charm and good food. Understand that good doesn’t have to mean gourmet.
Dinner isn’t the end all be all and you not offering it to us as option no. 1 on the “Let’s Hang Out” list isn’t a deal breaker (for most). It does, however, hinder the process. Dinner shows a woman that you are prepared to provide for her. You can work and bring home the (turkey) bacon.
Taking a woman out to dinner is the modern day version of a caveman bringing home a kill: “Look sweetie, look what I slayed for you today in the wilderness. Are you proud of me? Did I make you happy? Are you impressed?”
Taking a woman out for coffee says: “I’d fuck you.”
I’m all for making sure you know a person and if you really want to pursue them. But to place a woman’s value on whether she is worth a meal after 6pm is insulting. Not to mention with women having the balls to approach you dudes you shouldn’t be surprised if when you offer dinner at the end of the meal she picks up the tab.
People, I’m just merely suggesting that men stop thinking with their ego’s and realize that we women know that there is a recession. You can look at our nails and see we’ve been skipping on our manicure appointments (ladies, no matter how bad it gets…never skip the feet. I’ll eat ramen noodles for a week in order to pay for a pedicure, oh and my eyebrows too!) Gentlemen, we ladies promise not to lock up the coochie, or think less of you if you want to take us to Chili’s or Red Lobster for the “All You Can Eat Shrimp” special.
A real woman will ride with you during these hard fiscal times.
– Says the Single Girl
Okay Cammies – Normally I don’t respond to e-mails, and especially not thru my blog, but I had to respond to this. I just can’t let ignorance persist. So I respond.
Dear Single Girl:
I understand why you’re single.
I think you’re misconstruing a man’s intent when he asks you for coffee and spends two hours yapping it up. The only thing men are funnier about spending than their money is their time. To sit for two hours talking about what you want to talk about (cause um, men don’t really just chat like that) is an investment in you. He’s actually getting to know you and if he sat there for two hours, he more than likely likes you (or needed to stay in the city to waste time for whatever took place after you.) If he wanted to “fuck” as you say, he’d have offered a meal at his apartment. Best believe that would soothe your hunger pains.
Frankly, I don’t want a meal that cost $30 for two. That’s like a one bedroom in Manhattan for under $1000. Sure you could eat/live there, but with all the roaches do you want to? To hell with convenience and my grumbling stomach, I’ll take a clean Starbucks over whatever filthy or fast food establishment serves 2 for $30 any day. Quality coffee tops intolerable food (And um, Red Lobster and Chili’s are not an option, but oddly enough I’ll go to BBQs just for the Texas-size mango/banana margarita. Have you had that? Sorry, I’m getting off topic.)
In this economy where having a job tomorrow is anybody’s guess, it’s plain dumb to drop $75 on what could be a one-shot deal. The men you are encountering are making sensible decisions with their money and will likely be able to provide someday as you wish because they are saving, or at least not spending frivolously. Now the dude you want to encounter? Babe, he’s bad with his money. He’ll provide the second-biggest piece of chicken tonight, but with his money-management skills, ya’ll will be eating that Ramen your top-chefing (cause no one eats them just plain or with only the seasoning packet that come with) now together in five years. You know why? “Cause ol’ boy doesn’t know how to prioritize his funds.
The good thing for you is that the spending men you’re looking for exist in abundance– even in a recession. There’s always some no-personality dude who will trick on a chick to make up for his lack of one. Seek harder and ye shall find I promise. And when you do, hold on to him. Most sensible men wouldn’t waste $4.79 on a second date with a woman with an entitled attitude.