It’s way to early for that….

Okay, so I know men think it’s their God-given right to holla at a woman anytime they see fit, but damnit, it’s not. I figured out a long time ago that the holla is less about men getting to know me and more about him doing the verbal equivalent of grabbing his dick and re-proving his heterosexuality to his boys with lustful yelps and not quite witty lines. But for the love of all woman-kind, can ya’ll stop hollering before 11am?

Give me a chance to get really awake, to settle into my day and plan out the next 10 hours, to at least get a Mc’Donald’s Mocha Frappe in me. I mean damn, 9:30 am and you are that lustful? They got to have pills for that. Better, just ease out a good one for free before you leave the house in the morning the way you do for a big date. All that energy in the AM makes you just seem too eager. Round-the-clock bravado sounds desperate and it tells everyone in ear shot that if you are that revved up off the sight of a woman then you’re certain to cum quick. That, or you just got out and /or ain’t seen none, smelt none, tasted none in months.

I am at Hardee’s getting my favorite Wednesday Morning Chicken Biscuit.  I am wearing, black jeans, a a yellow top and black sandals.  It’s the first week of school, and the principal has allowed the teachers to dress down.  The outfit wasn’t one to be desired, it wasn’t even second look worthy.  I see a black truck sitting mid-way down the block. It has tinted windows. Nice rims, I think and go back to lolli-dolly dreamland. After all, it’s 7:30 am and I’m only half awake. The passenger-side back window rolls down.

“Hey, girl, let me borrow them jeans!” a man yells from the truck.

Is this his best line? I know it’s early, but still. And from a car window? Not even the driver or damn, the passenger? The grown man they made sit in the kid seat?

“NOOOOOO!!!!” I shout back loud enough for half the block to hear him get turned down. I never break stride.

“Why you got to be so mean?” he bellows down the block after me.

He interrupts my early morning with a stupid ass question and I’m mean? I keep strutting (cause that’s how I do) then it dawns on me, that it’s 7:30am, on a Wednesday and this loser isn’t on his way to an office some place.   If he spent his time looking for work instead of looking at women, he might one day make enough money or gain enough respect to ride in a grown people’s seat upfront.

Oh, and because I believe some men genuinely think the holler is a way to meet women (and impress their boys at the same time), I want to tell them that 1) it’s not. And 2) there are some other times when you  should just leave women be (this goes for approaching them to speak sensibly too.)

When I am walking down the street with a bunch of white people. Either they are my friends or my co-workers. If they’re friends, I probably don’t date Black men anyway. If they are co-workers, than I’m on the clock. It’s hard enough being the Black woman in the office. Don’t turn me into a sex object in front of colleagues.

The beauty salon. I’m getting did. I’m busy. Speak to me (not holla) when I am done.

Anytime, I look mad. I hate it when men say/yell ”smile girl!” For fucking what? How you know I didn’t just get a horrible diagnosis or maybe my dog died. If I look angry, I probably am. Leave me alone. (Note: I had bronchitis for 5 weeks. You know dudes would holler in the middle of coughing fits? Like I can’t talk and I’m clearly diseased… and you want to kick game?)

I’m reading. I am engrossed in something I enjoy. If you were really that fine, my sensors would have gone off. My book is more important than you. Look, don’t speak.

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20 responses to “It’s way to early for that….

  1. Ok so your telling me that if i see a beuatiful woman on the subway I cant strike up a convo (in essence, hollering) with her? I know its before 11 and trust and belive I am not fully awake by 2 anyway… but if somethng about her, makes my ears pin back… then i say go for it.. all she can say is “leave me the hell alone!” but in hopefully a less hurting tone…

  2. Amen Girl!!! Well said unfortunately the guys you are apeaking about probably aren’t reading this blog :0( So fellas, for the love of God, please pass this on to your less enlightened buddies.

    PS Big Cheif I think there’s a difference between “striking up a convo” on a subway and shouting “damn girl you got body for days” from across the street. Also something leads me to believe that you would back of if the woman you were speaking to gave you the “leave me the hell alone” look.

  3. I don’t understand why you had to respond to the guy that wanted your jeans that way you did. It was obvious that he was trying to strike up some type of conversation albeit corny. Maybe you could have just laughed it off or say something just as corny to him.

    I guess when you get alot alot attention it can get annoying. Let me pose a question to you. What if you suddenly got your wish and guys not only stopped “hollering” at you before 11am but stopped altogether. How would you feel then?

  4. Rafford: I’d be over-fucking-joyed if everyone shut up.

    i can tell you are a guy from your lack of understanding of my response to him. i thought my explanation was clear from the first graph in which i explained that hollering is not really about meeting a woman, it’s about your boys. if he really wanted to know me, he woulda at least got out the damn car. i embarrassed him, the same way he embarrassed me. maybe if more women gave men tit for tat, they’d stop doing that stupid hollering shit. you’d have to be a woman just to know how annoying it is. everyday since the day you hit puberty some man is trying to get at you. i’m like shut the fuck up already.

    there is a diff. between hollering and approaching a woman in a decent fashion.

    and Big Cheif: i would say leave the woman alone unless she is giving you clear invites to come speak. she’s on the way to work. just cause she’s a woman and in public does not give you the “right” to approach her. i’d be real annoyed if some random man came over to speak to me uninvited on the train. and i’d prolly be a bitch about the shut down.

  5. I (along with most women) fully understand your frustrations with men and their corny comments. Some days they push me over the edge, but most of the time I don’t have the heart to be forbidding. I usually laugh or smile and keep it moving fast. I DO have an issue with attention, so hollering at me with six of your friends staring in my face (chest, legs, whatever) is asking for severe words. Men don’t seem to understand that not all women are constantly desperate for attention and I should not have to wear a parka everyday to be left alone. Amen, CamronZoe!

  6. Hahaha this dude actually hollered at my on the bus a few days ago. Not only did his ass look like a California raisen I though it was real disrespectful .

    “hwy gal!! hey gal”” “Sit here I want to talk to you!!” Then when I didnt and moved to the back of the bus he started hollering at me again because I had a pissed off look on my face. “Dont make your face like that!!!” as if I was here for his amusement.

    PS Glad to see you are posting again…WE LOVE YOU!!

  7. @ CamronZoe – Somehow I don’t believe you. I can understand how sometimes guys can be disrespectful in the way they approach women but your scenario wasn’t like that. All he said was that he wanted your jeans. He didn’t call you out your name. He didn’t comment on a body part. It was a corny line. It’s as simple as that. I think your response was alttle mean. I feel initally you would be “over-fucking-joyed” but I wonder how long would that last. I’m not saying that you seek the cat calls from men to validate your beauty. You definitely sound like you don’t.

  8. “You have to be a woman……”

    True indeed. That seems to be the common theme amongst the ladies here. But that’s just it. Because men aren’t, we can process things just a bit differently. I agree that dude yelling from the car clearly wasn’t THAT interested. If you turned around and gave him play, which does also happen, then cool, if not cool. I don’t think it was that serious to him, yet it was to you, but I can understand your annoyance.

    Not sure if every woman adhere’s to your “don’t hola before 11” rule because I see plenty of professional sistas in the morning allowing brotha’s to “get it in”, but if anything it seems that paying attention to that particular woman you’re interested in is most important. Clearly if she is busy, looks mad/annoyed, or simply anything that doesn’t warrant social interaction, leave her be. Many times I see dudes rolling up to women on the train, or even the book store, and giving the age old line, “whatcha reading?” Now as a man, I’m even like, son you’re game is weak. Sure it may work, sometimes……but chill out and let her do her thing. If she is interested maybe she’ll look up, give one of those smiles and say hello. It works!!

    Now ladies, IF you’re not interested, and he is a gentlemen about his interest, just let him down easy and keep it moving. Trust he meant no disrespect. Just an FYI……

  9. My tummy hurts. I’m laughing too damn hard!!! NEVER EVER EVER EVER RIDIN IN THE KIDZ SEAT AGAIN. Damn Africans!!!

    Just for reference women are very guilty of committing the same crimes with the same corny lines. Being the iron house riding New Yorker and literary addict I am. On most days you will find me deeply entranced in-between the pages of some great find. Women are infamous for the “What are you reading?” “That’s my favorite book” “I think I’ve read that before. What’s it about again?” lines or the article of clothing compliments to strike up a conversation. I think it’s all a matter of attraction. Two men can come at you both using the same line, one attractive the other not your type, the attractive one immediately becomes charming with that line and the other becomes a corny annoyance. I’m not a fan at trying to kick it on the train AT ALL, but if someone that’s appealing to me comes up I’ll engage in the conversation, but if that other chick comes by and tries that same line I’m giving you the ugg look and going back to my book. You know damn well your ass don’t give a rats ass about the book I’m reading “I think I read that” “Yea, right! You got Zane sticking out your purse. Get your ass back over there!!!”

  10. I have to say while I definitely understand the frustration of wack come ons, your energy feels a little different today Cam. What happened to try a smile? What happened to women being more open, because you never know. That’s the thing about us women, we’re a little moody, it all depends on the day. I agree that there are times and ways that men approach women that would be better left alone…but I also think that all women are different. Some women may not mind being approached on their way to work, reading a book,with earmuffs on…lol. She might also find the comment cute or the guy, even in the backseat! How is a guy supposed to know if it would work on you unless he tries? After his approach the power is in your hands..that’s why its so hard for men. I think sometimes they come off wrong because its hard to put themselves out there. So his approaches is nuetral…it can go either way. That way he can tell his boys..I didn’t really care or he might get your attention.

    Women always have the opportunity to shut a man down if they don’t like the way he hollas, or correct him if he needs it!(like you did!) Now backseat window guy knows that wasn’t an approach that you would appreciate or that would get your attention.

  11. there’s this guy that works in the barber shop around the corner from my apartment. i call him “the bothersome dread”. i say he works there, rather than he’s a barber because i’ve hardly ever see him cut hair. he’s usually posted in the doorway, tryna holla at every chick that walks down the block. trust me, it must be work. all that energy and it doesn’t seem that he gets a lot of play. i’ve seen him in action whenever i take my son to get a hair cut. it’s sad but what’s even sadder is the quality of chicks that he actually manages to get. ill. but anyway, after all of that, he can’t seem to understand why i won’t give him the time of day. first of all, dude is wack and creepy (it’s a talent that he manages to pull that combo off). secondly, tryna push up on me in front of my son (he just turned 9) is rude and disrespectful. i’ve tried to explain it to him but on top of being wack, creepy, rude and disrespectful, he’s dense. playing the odds by speaking to every female that crosses your path makes you seem desperate. if your intentions are to make me feel so special that you just had to holla, knowing that you just hollered at all the chicks before me and that will come after me undermines all of your efforts.

  12. CamronZoe, I applaud you for posting this, and I’m sure most women know where you’re coming from. It’s an awful feeling to know that a man can stare you up and down, lick his lips, and then yell “ay shortay” at you in front of his boys, just to gain some kinda bulshit man cred.

    And to all the men who are reading this blog and saying things like “don’t be mean, he was just paying you a compliment,” or some other nonsense, shame on you! Again, these catcalling men are not interested necessarily in taking a woman out to dinner–they’re looking to get a rise out of us, to impress their friends–and it’s disrespectful and makes us women feel dirty.

    Again, CamronZoe is NOT talking about men who know how to approach a woman and say a kind “good morning” or a “hello,” and so often, even if the man is a gentlemen, fifteen assholes have already approached us between home and work, and they’ve ruined it for most of the gentlemen.

    I’m going on and on here, but only because I’m trying to make it clear that women have the right to be left alone, to not be harassed–and yes, this is a form of harassment. If we were at work, and a man yelled some disgusting “ay baby” crap at you in the hallway, he could lose his job, and rightly so.

  13. I would have to agree with Cam. I think there should be a certain etiquette when approaching people. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable with ridiculous comments, and pay attention to the surrounding environment. I believe “hollering” is for the clubs. See a beautiful woman, approach her in a way that makes her feel that you could appreciate her. Public transportation is a def. no-no I believe.. nothing like someone trying to get all up in your business with other people watching/listening in. It’s tacky.

  14. Clearly men like this don’t understand when it comes to their pick up, been there, done that, wrote the book and the sequel. That ish may fly while you’re in high school but once you’re grown, it’s time to step up your game. Hey girl, what yo name iz, or any other ignorant line, is not an acceptable way to start a convo.

    And the smile line is annoying because they’re asking you to smile for their entertainment, like women are puppies and should do tricks for their amusement.

  15. Cam, the answer to all the male comments on this blog entry can be found in your first sentence:

    “Okay, so I know men think it’s their God-given right to holla at a woman anytime they see fit, but damnit, it’s not.”

    For those guys who believe that the above is true, nothing we women will ever say will make them change their minds.

  16. LMAO!!! Preach sista!!! And how about the ones that think it’s cute to try and holla at 3am and then get upset when you keep it moving. Um…if it’s that late and I’m alone, chances are I’m walking really fast because the only thing on my mind is getting home safely. How do I know you’re not trying to attack me?! Geesh! Men don’t think sometimes.

  17. I usually just ignore the comments (thank god for iPods!). And that’s really the only good way to deal with it. When I respond negatively, the catcalling just turns more ugly and insulting. A couple of times recently, I’ve taken it upon myself to give a courteous response–either a “thank you” or a “I am fine, and how are you?” But that doesn’t work either. When I give a courteous response, I’ve had men say even nastier things than they would if I’d just told them to “fuck off.” In fact, about a month ago, some jerk yelled a loud and tacky “hello” to me while I was walking-down-the-street-mindin-my-own-business. I usually don’t respond, but I wanted to experiment, so I said, “hello” back. To which he responded, “Come here and lemme give you this tube steak.” Disgusting.

    So there you have it…when it comes to responding to the catcalling and rude “greetings,” you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Good luck ladie

  18. As much as I want to go along with the fellas on this one, I can’t with a clear conscious.

    There is NEVER and I repeat…NEVER a reason for a grown man to holler at a woman to get her attention. The gesture of actually getting out of the car and walking up to her in a respectful manner would make her at least feel like this man has manners. I wouldn’t even want to be with a woman (and I use that term very loosely) who responds in a positive way to me screaming at the top of my lungs to her attention in public.

    Smh…

  19. @J.Alden, I have to agree with you. There is a very specific manor in which a man should approach a woman he is interested in. Hollering is not that way. Holding conversation will you a lot further.

    You see a female at lets say a restaurant, and you notice her long lashes and beautiful smile. So you sit down beside her…compliment her, make her smile…and once you have her smiling you’ve almost got her….

    Hollering at her…might get you ganked…lol

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