I spent a recent evening at dinner w/ an amazing guy friend whom shall be called Greg and another girl, Nicole, a friend of ,my bestie,  Ariel. Ariel was supposed to be meeting us, but called after we’d all arrived at the restaurant to say she wouldn’t make it.

The food was great. But the chemistry between Greg and Nicole (both single) was far more interesting than the Pan Asian fusion on our plates. After a bit of unexplained akwardness which I assumed was because Nicole didn’t know either me or Greg, I realize they’ve been friends for a bit. As the evening wore on and Nicole opened up, their banter and cheesy smiles and a million shared interests hinted that maybe there had been more between them at some point. And if not, there should be more than friendship between them in the future.


Greg excuses himself from the table to take a call and leaves me to chat with Nicole, who I’ve only met in passing several times before. In short, she is single, attractive, and childless w/ a warm heart and a smile that lights up any room. She has common sense, is well read, intelligent, and articulate. Her hobbies include cooking (favorite) and decorating and she is a self-described neat freak. Oh, and she’s a journalist for the newspaper, has a side hustle too and believes in traditional relationship roles, ie let a man be a man, whatever the hell that means.

As far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with this woman. She’s great, so great that if I were a man, I would date her.

I ask her, ”may I speak freely?” and she agees that I may. So I just say flat out: ”what’s the deal with you and Greg? You guys have great chemistry and you’d be totally cute together.”

”Greg?” I can’t read her reaction. She’s not surprised, excited, or happy, but she’s not shocked, appalled, or mad either. She’s just blank.. and says nothing for an awkward ten seconds, which could have gone longer had Greg not returned to the table.

Ever the gentleman, he apologizes for his absence and offers to buy a round of post-dinner coffee or tea, which I accept and Nicole declines. He and I babble about nothing and Nicole, apparently back in her shell, has gone mute beyond uttering ”yeah, uh huh” and ”hmm.”

As soon as the check comes, Nicole throws down way too much cash, and says she has to go. She gives weak goodbyes, double air kisses to us and practically sprints out the restaurant as we try to tell her to take back $20.

”What the fuck was that?” Greg asks after the door slams back in Nicole’s haste to escape.

”I think I fucked up,” I say.

He quirks one eyebrow really high. I am so jealous that he can do that. ”What’d you say, Cam?”

”I asked her why she never tried to date you casue I thought you two would be an amazing couple and there’s a lot of chemistry between you and you’d be so cute together and- and -and- and she just shut down as soon as I said it and I asked her if I could speak freely before I aksed. I did. I didn’t mean to offend her or anything. And she’s a good woman. I mean really good. She’d be so good for you.”

He sighs and gives me a stern look. ”You shouldn’t have asked that.”

”Well yeah. I know that now.”

Another big sigh. ”We used to hang out a lot. I thought about it but there was no… What do you call it all the time? va va va voom?”

I nod. ”Just cause she didn’t like you then doesn’t mean she wouldn’t like you now.”

”I didn’t like her.”

Huh? ”What?! She’s amazing.” This is fact, not opinion.

”She is.”

”So what’s the problem?”

”She didn’t do it for me.”

”A good woman didn’t do it for you?”

”I’m not attracted to her… I mean physically. I mean I wasn’t then, but I am now.”

I look at him like the stupid he is. ”Did you tell that good woman you weren’t attracted to her?”

He nods. ”Yes,” he sort of squeaks out.

”And you like her now, don’t you?”

”Yes.” Another pitiful squeak.

I shake my head and just stare at him. ”I love you dearly, but you are an idiot.”

”Oh, you have no idea.”

I try–and fail– to do the eyebrow thingy.

”Last month, I told her that I was feeling her now.”

”And if she’s the woman I think she is she told you to go fuck yourself.”

”In so many words. She asked ‘why now?’ first. And I told her.”

”You told her what exactly?”

”That I was attracted to her, that she’s an amazing woman. She said it was too late. She’s over me.”

”You fucked up.”

Long pause. ”I know. Trust me, I know.”

“Now oddly enough, the present finally made sense.”


21 responses to “Va…Va….Va…VOOM!

  1. Thank you for this one. I needed to hear that my “Greg” really IS an idiot and I’m not tripping! LOL!! It’s hard to know there is a line of dudes behind “Greg” waiting to get to know you and “Greg” is too blind to figure out that once a woman moves on to whose next in line….well, let’s just say its hard to forgive someone for making you feel you didn’t make the cut.

    **goes back to massaging my bruised ego**

  2. I’m conflicted on this one. I get why the women would take issue with this guys “Flip Flopping”, but the flip is that I have and am very guilty of the same behavior as “Greg”. The last three women that I’ve found myself head over heels for have all been physically the polar opposites of what I’d normally classify as my type. A funny thing is how all three looked SO much alike. This is probably going to come off as offensive to some who don’t know me, but trust that it is meant with no type of disrespect, but they were all clear, hungry, midgets. However, the other parts of them i.e. brains, swagger, sense of humor, compatibility, etc. have made them become my physical type. I see them for what they are when they weren’t necessarily all those things off first glance. Not to mention all of them have a seriously mean stem game that makes me take notice every time each of them walks past me.

    As men we fault, we learn, we grow (hopefully) if the person whether man or woman comes to you with a sincere desire to acknowledge their errors and make a mends try them out. If and only if you still care for them, if no longer interested leave it as their lost and move on. Just don’t let your pride force you to miss a chance to be happy with a great potential suitor.

  3. wow you guys are making it seem like she has to wait around for him. fuck that…if he wasn’t into her back then (physically), how could he have possibly changed his mind? And since his sudden epiphany, should she just fall into his lap? I think not! She maybe hurt because…hello, she is a woman. We get emotional. If someone rejects us because of our body (I’m assuming that’s the reason) of course we will take that to heart. That doesn’t mean she still likes him. You’re feeling a guy but he doesn’t like you but then he changes his mind….so everything is supposed to be okay? Whatever. Next. No one has time to do-si-do. They can just be friends. She will always have that rejection in the back of her mind if they do hook up.

    @ Cam, What is the deal…why did he reject her? beauty? sex?

  4. chudnei… Im not saying that she should wait for him.. but if shes available and hes available why disreagrd his attempts because many moons ago he rejected you?

    “Learn from his mistake”… he should be punished because at 28 he didnt have the same likes and interest as when he is 34… come on yall… this is crazy.

    well said Kewon…

  5. Two questions:

    1) What about her changed that changed her attractiveness to him? (Or what about him changed?)

    2) What could he have possibly said to her that would make her tell him to “go fuck yourself” if they’re both single and at some point she had been attracted to him? Especially since he’s so “amazing.”

  6. I asked the questions, especially #2 because I read the story the way Don’Q
    does. (I didn’t see his comment until after I posted my questions.)

    What idiotic,terrible thing could he have possibly done? (And then yall complain about being single.)

  7. I don’t think anything about her changed per se. I think what was appealing to him at say 28 is not exactly the same as what is appealing to him at 34. What he told me was there was no va va va voom, ie. he wasn’t attracted to her. that doesn’t mean she was unattractive, just that he didn’t think they clicked or there was no sexual spark. It happens.

    @ Rob: she didn’t tell him ‘go fuck yourself’ exactly, just in so many words. I get why she won’t give him another chance. Reverse the situation: a chick you were really digging is like ‘nah. next’ (ie, i can do better) and then comes back years later is like ‘okay now.’ it’s like what balls this mofo has thinking he can just waltz in and waltz out whenever he likes. even if she did say ‘okay, lt’s try’ the chances of it working or slim. I mean he told the woman he wasn’t attracted to her then, ie. i didn’t think you were pretty. He did it to himself. He closed the door instead of leaving it cracked.

    Ya’ll (as in you readers) are funny to me, this is totally not what I expected you to take from this story.

  8. Stem game = A woman who makes walking in a pair of sexy well made high heels look like an art form; a retrospective on fluent motion that should be broadcast on jumbotrons for all to enjoy.(4inch +, anything less would be uncivilized.)

    Kewon has determined that he may have a minor shoe fetish.

    Clear, hungry, midget = Light bright (Never white), Slim, short.

    The hungry term comes from seeing a woman that is so slim she always looks like she’s in need of food. I’m always surrounded by models and model-likes for work, not fun for the thick chick lovin’ brotha that I am.

    Hope that clarifies it for you anonymous and anyone else who was wondering…

  9. I don’t think Greg is totally screwed. I presume that Nicole would be interested in a romantic endeavor with him were it not for his previous behavior. Therefore, if he wants a second bite at the apple with her, he needs to do some heavy (and I mean HEAVY) pursuing and courting in order to get back in her good graces. I suggest nothing less than tulips and Tiffany. ~wink~

  10. …I am clearly addicted to this Blog! That week you didn’t post (Cam) I think I checked twice a day to see if you were back. I enjoy the commentary sooo much I finally had to join in.

    I also have to say for the record i liked your two male friends that were “boy watchin” with you…and I have to second…clear, hungry, midgets LMAO!!!! I had no idea what that was. Although I do knoooo about “stem game” my other nickname is shooz! 🙂

    I agree with all sides represented in this convo…I appreciate Greg’s candor…at least he didn’t string her along, trying to find the zsa zsa zoo. Then after weeks of her falling deeper in like, he springs it on her…it’s just not there for him. On the other hand I can understand her not feeling open to a second time around…her ego was probably bruised the first time. Sounds like he still might have a chance…

    …to be continued 😉

  11. Hmmmm….that long Tuesday night sounds rather devilish..

    I’d like to offer a different perspective. Here’s my two cents:

    Hey, Cam….you might need to be weary about the ladies that you speak freely with….My personal experience has taught me that sometimes being frank is just a disclaimer for putting your foot in your mouth.

    Nicole”shut down” reaction is prolly another reason why there wasnt any chemistry with Mecca then and now. Her reaction(s) to situation may be the one reason why this “perfect” woman is still single.

  12. I’m with Sharon. He was as honest as he could be at the time. If he wasn’t feeling it, he wasn’t feeling it. Aren’t we always saying we want men to just be real…

    I think I’ve already told you that I am a stan for your blog. The smile thing does work! I had a guy stop me just this morning and tell me that I am a very attractive black woman. SCORE!

    I think I may be falling for Kewon. Clear. Hungry. Midgets. Never have I ever heard such a thing. You made me spit my coke out at work.

  13. What Nicole should have done is the same thing ladies ask men to do all the time?? COMMUNICATE….If she had a problem so something she was thinking that kept her quiet, then all she had to do was talk about it.

    Ladies, please keep in mind, if you ask men a question and get a straight-forward, yet vulgar answer, you have to know who your dealing with in certain situations.

  14. Greg was wrong
    Nicole was shut down
    Greg realizes his fuck up
    Nicole still has feelings but bitter
    Greg crawls back
    Nicole ain’t havin’ it.
    the end.

    Greg needs to move on. Their relationship would just be weird. Why is Nicole such a good catch for him now?

  15. I agree with Don’Q…but at least she still hangs out with him. That’s always a good sign. Maybe theres still a chance. She’ll get over it…all trying to give him a lesson. lol and Jason, I agree with you as well! It goes both ways – Never ask a question that you dont want to hear the answer to!

  16. ok… ummm why is Greg an idiot? He made a mature decision not to waste her time when he wasnt really into her. And hes called and idiot. Just because someone is attractive and cool doesnt mean they are right for you at that time. And the fact that she shut down when the question was asked about Greg shows thats shes still hurt and if shes still hurt then she still likes him… suck it up. Swallow the pride of being rejected once, guys get rejected everyday. He wasnt ready before and he is now, if she still has feelings for him, give it a chance.. geesh.

  17. As far as today’s blog it hit me right >>>>here<<<<. Hindsight is 20/20 and it is a MOFO! Sad to say, you don't always get your Darius Lovehall/Nina Mosley ending either. Greg will have to learn from his mistakes and go DEEPER next time.

  18. LOL!!!!!

    I’ve been there…and on the other side of single plan on never being there again.

    The “singles” are a very strange series of events…proven time and time again. I had the whole “when I am feeling you, you’re not feeling me, and vice versa” happen…it sucks.

    The Illllllll part is all your boy has to do is get over her, really stop feeling her like she is now, and the cyclical BS will continue. She’ll realize that she does still have feelings or she wouldn’t be so weird around him, etc.

    But, then he’ll be jaded that she didn’t accept his affection this time around, b/c she was too mad from before (he probably should have never SAID – I’m not attracted, but that’s another story…lol). However, if Greg keeps pursuing her, she’ll drag coming around for way too long…possibly years!! And, then he’ll be so pissed that when she does, unless is “WOVE” (ode to Princess Bride)…he’ll be OUT.

    Now…I could be wrong. I’ve been that before. But, I’ve been right a lot too…lol. I suggest he get over her, b/c if she’s secretly still into him, she’ll come around. And, if she isn’t he’s better off moving on from now.


  19. Bre, I agree whole heartedly with you. Although I do appreciate Greg’s honesty, the truth of the matter is Nicole clearly has some issues with him and at this point, any relationship between them would probably be extremely awkward.

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