Girl you need to learn to swallow!

Ariel had just recounted a story of love and loss.  I did my girlfriend sympathizing duty as we rode with Kewon to Cafeteria, an afterhours restaurant.  Kewon took another approach to Ariel’s dilemma.  you know men stop themselves from solving a problem.

“Learn to swallow,”  Kewon told Ariel…..I think.  “It’ll keep your man happy and at home.  No man will leave his woman if she swallows,”  he added.

The phrase learn to swallow became a running joke this summer.  Every time a woman complained about a boyfriend who was hanging with the boys too much or not showing enough attention, this was the laughed-out advice we started to give.  But it wasn’t for women simply looking for a man.  Male consensus held that swallowing can help a woman keep a man she’s got but will not help her get a man she does not.  The guys unanimously agreed that swallowing without a title will automatically dismiss a woman from consideration for a relationship.  And yes, they acknowledged that it’s not fair.

“Life isn’t,”  Kewon noted.

I took the phrase for the partial joke I assumed it was until one night, I realized Kewon was dead serious.  Kewon came to visit me, with a few of our mutual friends a couple of days after my birthday.  So they are sitting in my living room, and somehow the conversation resurfaces itself.  So I voiced my real feelings on the matter to the guys, which  in a word was “Ugh!”

Sean, a friend of Kewon’s who had become a really good friend to me, became visibly upset.  “Not swallow?”  he bellowed as if I was actually dating him.  “What do you mean, not swallow?”

“It’s disgusting,,”  I shot back with equal venom.  “You watch too much porn.”

“Disgusting?”  Another bellow.  “My seeds are disgusting?”

I kissed my teeth, and rolled my eyes.  “In someone’s mouth or throat, they are!”

The look on his face was pure comedy.  He was appalled that I could not fathom a woman loving his cum.  “Dudes swallow women’s juices all the time.  You think we spit it out when we’re down there?  You think we like to swallow when a woman cums in our faces?  We commit to the act.  A woman has got to commit to the act!”

The following weekend, I broached the subject at Charlotte’s verson of the Pink Taco.

“What’s the obsession with all this swallowing business?”  I ask the Don Q’s pretty boy crew.  Brothers from the Uptown residents in their mid-to late thirties who stay perfectly fly at all times.

“That shit just feels right!”  is the general consensus.  Dap and laughter all around.  Apparently, they’re not as deep as Kewon and his friends.

From Darwin the youngest homeboy of Don’Q comes a bit more explanation:  “Don’t think about it in terms of what it can do for him, think about what it means in terms of the greater good for you.  You swallow, and you can get anything you want.”  He wasn’t speaking of material goods.  More like romance, affection, and attention.

“Does swallowing feel better than sex?”

Darwin is in deep thought, trying to come up with the right answer.  It’s as if I can see the wheels turning as he recounts all his sexual experiences.  Finally, he reaches a verdict:  “Depends on the skills of the woman.”

Eh…..I’m not convinced about this swallowing bit.  I offer an alternative, bringing up the skills of Italia Blue, an adult actress.  She provides a good education, but whenever her mate reaches ultimate joy, she takes it, then spits the contents back onto the rod.

“That’s the equivalent of swallowing, no?  She took the mouth shot,”  I reason.

The guys are horrified.  I get a flurry of “NO!” and “Ugh!” and “She’s gonna spit on me?”

Now it’s my turn.  “Yeah…what’s the problem?  Um, it’s yours.  You want women to swallow something you don’t even want touching you?”

“That’s disgusting, Cam,” says one of the guys.

“But, um, it’s not disgusting for a woman to swallow it?”

He shakes his head.  “No!” he blurts definitively on behalf of the guys.

“Why not?”  I challenge.

“It’s just not.”

“If men want women to do it, ya’ll have to give a valid reason.  ‘Because we want it’ isn’t enough.”

Sensing that I’m not dropping the subject anytime soon, one of the other guys in Don Q’s crew  takes a moment to ponder the question seriously.  “Really?  I’ll speak for all men and say as long as a woman’s down on my dick, no real man’s really going to complain.

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17 responses to “Girl you need to learn to swallow!

  1. LONG TIME….WHERE YOU BEEN?

    And swallowing is a no go for any man other than my long-term boyfriend or husband. That’s another one of those traps that men set up. For instance, if you swallow, you’re automatically thrown into the “freak” pile, and if you don’t, then you’re a prude.

    You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

  2. I haven’t even read it yet, but I’m over here singin “Oh happy days” OK, i’m going in.

    I swear I should get paid off of some of the knowledge that I kick to you on a daily basis. When it’s time for you to settle down, you’re man is going to thank me….

    I take cash only!

  3. Ok, as a lover of head, both giving and recieving, i’ll say this: Head is a wonderful thing. For me though, what makes the experience most enjoyable is a person that’s actually into it. Because to have someone lazily slap their tongue on your Johnson is frustrating, every part of sex should have your 100% passion especially if that’s what I’m giving you. But even more is to be able to ride your orgasm out to continuous mouth play. It’s the worst to have some good head only to have the orgasm lost because she jumps back way to early just to see cum in disgust. Most times, yeah you came but because the stimulation was stopped you didn’t ORGASM. There is a difference. At the very least, she could stroke you through the cumming. Kudos to those thoughtful sisters. Now for the actual act of swallowing (or even just catching it on ya toungue) that of course leads to the most pleasurable head experience. Swallowing is not a must, but it does add an extra excitement that she is that into it and pleasuring you. And if she doesn’t swallow that’s fine, but thankfully i’ve never had anyone spit on me. Politely go to the bathroom if you’re not fully committed to the swallowing. Regardless, you are appreciated.

    And as for the theory that swallowing will keep a man, i’d say that’s false. If you swallow on our first encounter or only after dating briefly, who knows who else’s love juice you’ve consumed. I doubt that i was the first. If it’s something that you want to do by all means do it. But I woudl suggest saving the all out swallowing for someone who does deserve it or at least holding out for a long term situation of special occassion. That of course does NOT mean holding out on head in general. LOL. Consenting adults should do everthing in their power to please each other and always stay protected. So as a rule, swallowing some random nut from some random guy is not advised. I could write a shitload more, but i’ll get off my perch for now

  4. Swallower here. I don’t see the problem with swallowing, granted I haven’t always done it. I had to sort of “work up to it.” But anyhoo, if you’re in love with your man and you’re in a solid equal-opportunity relationship where your guy goes down there and does ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you like without spitting it out, why not return the favor?

    On the other hand, I don’t think a woman should swallow to KEEP a man. That’s pure BS. If a man don’t want you, all the swallowing in the world will not keep him. Instead, it should be a woman’s choice to swallow or not to, and not a choice made under pressure by her man. When you love someone, it’s natural to want to please them, especially if they’re pleasing you…but you also have to be comfortable with what you’re doing. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. However, if you wanna give it a go, work up to it. Not to get all NSFW on your blog–but if the taste is what’s deterring you–start out by taking the “protein shake” straight down the throat…so as to skip the tongue and most taste buds. Then work up to more skillful techniques. lol. After several goes at it, it will become sensual experience for both.

  5. swallowing is for a privileged few – those with whom i share a special connection. and even then, i make sure he doses up on pineapple juice first, lol. but seriously, every guy is not worthy of getting head from me. and chances are, if they’re not worthy of getting head, they’re probably not worthy of getting anything else. belle already broached the subject of post-cum syndrome and i think it’s safe to say that we all agree that we might have to kiss, screw or fellate a few frogs. so i say, learn to swallow but figure out who’s worthy.

  6. IMO oral sex in itself is an extremely intimate act.regardless of how many partners i had oral sex was something i was not willing 2 do at all..i wasn’t sucking and i had no prob w/u not going down..all men want 2 get head, but not all men deserve 2 have that vulnerability of a woman..especially not in regards 2 swallowing..i knew i was gonna marry my husband, i knew he was worth me giving my all 2, i love(d) him, that’s when i decided 2 open up a bit and do whatever it was that pleased him..some men don’t deserve more than a good missionary f**k, and a possible back shot..don’t let em fool ya!..great blog..

  7. Hmmmm, yes pineapple, or even mango juice beforehand. They help immmensely. NOOOO broccoli or green veggie anything, lol..

  8. Well for you, somewhat-significant-other seems like a keeper..for now. and with all these amazing men you talk of, at least SOMEONE has options!

    TRADE PLACE WITH ME….HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

  9. LOL…if sharing is caring then swallowing is like the icing on the cake of life. I am a firm believer in if you start something, then finish it. Of course any person with sense knows that the content of a man’s semen is totally a women’s vaginal secretions, but everything is fair in love and basketball…right?! RIGHT!

    As a very wise (and yet older) women once told me in my early 20’s, “If you don’t do it, someone else will…” To ME, that should be enough to please the man that you are loving.

    Hmmm…maybe men should think about lifting up their faces when they hear the words “Baby, I’m cummin…” I promise you it wont be a good day for that nigga. Smh

  10. @ Brooke, Please dear don’t let us go there, here! it wouldn’t be a good look for you, nor me, because if i said what i felt right now, i’d look like a bad guy.

    so in the words of the floaters – “FLOAT ON”

  11. LMAO – this is too funny to me….as for swallowing yes i hear what you guys are saying….but you all don’t realize that when a man cum’s it’s thick and gooey, and it’s not pleasing to the taste, throat, or stomach….if loving you means swallowing then i don’t wanna know what love is….

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