Thoughts on turning 30 ish!!

“You may not be where you want to be, but thank God you are not where you were.”

That quote was rolling around in my head today.  It’s the eve of my birthday and it got me to thinking about all the things that I’ve learned about relationships and me since moving to Charlotte some years ago.  I’ve encountered my share of bull, and I’ve done my share of it, too.  I don’t regret any of it; I’ve grown and learned from most of my mistakes.  I still have a long way to go, but I thank God every day that I am not where I began.

So that brings me to why I am sitting here making a list of the lessons so I could track my progress.  Most are very simple and very obvious but were very hard to get at nonetheless.  They are the things that I wish someone had told me or the things someone told me that I didn’t listen to.  Sometimes I still don’t.

Going into the next age with a new lease on life 🙂

  1. If he doesn’t call, he’s not interested.  Period.
  2. It’s impossible to fill an emotional void with a physical act.
  3. If he says he’s not read for a relationship, he’s not ready for a relationship.
  4. Kings don’t always wear crowns.
  5. Wanting to have sex with you and wanting to be with you can be mutually exclusive ideas.
  6. Wanting you to want him and actually wanting you can be mutually exclusive ideas.
  7. If he has a girlfriend, leave him alone.  If he leaves her for you, he’ll do the same to you.  If he stays with her and deals with you, he’s a whore.  Either option is bad for you.
  8. A beautiful face (or body) does not make a beautiful mind.
  9. Men don’t read minds; if you want something, ask for it.
  10. Just because he’s a good man, that does not make him the right man for you.
  11. It’s okay to be alone.  You’ll be fine without him.  Pinky swear it.
  12. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and it’s nobody’s fault.
  13. You don’t always get closure.  Make peace with it anyway.
  14. You have to grow, but you don’t have to change.
  15. Just because you miss him, that does not mean you are meant to be with him.
  16. Good guys exist, but perfection does not.
  17. Learn to compromise, but don’t compromise yourself.
  18. Love is a verb.  Having an emotion means absolutely nothing if it is not followed through with action.
  19. Know that if he is the One, he will be the One.
  20. When you feel as if you’re forcing a relationship, you are.  It’s not working.  Stop and look for the Next One.
  21. Complaining about men will not somehow make men better.  It will only make you bitter.
  22. If you’re single and can’t find your type, go looking for him.  There is nothing wrong with being proactive about you want.
  23. You don’t have to be an angry woman to be a strong woman.  Angry does not equal strong.  It equals angry.
  24. Good men make bad mistakes.  That said, there’s a difference between a moral failing and a mistake.  Forgive mistakes.  Get rid of moral failures.
  25. Every man isn’t out to get you or do you dirty.
  26. If you’re always complaining that men “ain’t shit,” ask yourself what’s wrong with you that you keep attracting “ain’t shit” men.
  27. A bad break up is a valid excuse to break down, but to stay down.
  28. Wear your size.  Not the size you want to be.  If you wanna be an 8, but wear a 12, buy the 12 and cut the lable out (then go to the gym.)  You always look better in clothes that fit ( and when you work out.  Even if you’re a four, there’s a difference between a flabby four and a tight one.)
  29. Figure out which fabrics, colors, cuts and styles fit your body.  Waste a day trying on clothes at your favorite stores and see what flatters and what doesn’t and stick to that and not what’s in style.  Oh, and Spanx are your friends
  30. There’s no reason to look bad in pictures.  Too many Facebook and Twitter bad photos floating around online.  Practice your smile and your pose so you know what’s flattering.  Keep in mind that your face changes as you age, so update your pose and your expression to fit.
  31. Drop your baggage.  It’s as simple as figuring out what it is, placing it down and walking away.
  32. Do stuff alone.  People who can’t be alone drive me up a wall.  If you don’t enjoy your own company, how can you expect anyone else to?  Start with a movie – yes, a movie.  Try a matinee if you’re paranoid.  Then move on to lunch, then dinner, ad finally another country alone.  Yes, yes, you can do it.  And you will be fine.”
  33. Read.  It’s not really cute at 20 anything to say, “ I don’t like reading.”  (Actually, it makes you look stupid.)  At 30, you’re a joke.  Not only should you read newspapers online daily and watch CNN, you should read some books too.  Have something to take about other than (no that there’s anything wrong with, it’s just not the ONLY thing you should read.)”
  34. Get your makeup done.  This seemed so obvious to me – until I met grown women who don’t know how to do makeup.  Really?  Go to the MAC store, make an appointment.  It’s $50 to get it done professionally, free if you buy $50 worth of products.  Every MAC store does it.
  35. STOP runnin with folks who have your PROBLEMS & START running with folks who have your ANSWERS!

6 responses to “Thoughts on turning 30 ish!!

  1. Great list Cam.

    I figured out a lot of relationship/man-related ones over the past couple of years, and I feel lucky that I did finally get it.

    Enjoy your Day!

  2. Also this….*Good men make bad mistakes. That said, there’s a difference between a moral failing and a mistake. Forgive mistakes. Get rid of moral failures. ..

    Yes yes yes! I am going to memorize this since it highlights my current situation. Two years of lying aint a mistake, its a lifestyle.

    Hope you’re having a great Birthday!

  3. I LOVE this list! I have a few years til 35 – I’m going to memorize this.

    My favorites:

    *Love is a verb,
    *People can forget what you do, they never forget how you made them feel.

    Very comforting. Thank you ❤

  4. I am turning thirty ++++ n two years and still have much too learn…I love the list and I am going to try hard and follow it….*Love is a verb…and *Good men make bad mistakes. That said, there’s a difference between a moral failing and a mistake. Forgive mistakes. Get rid of moral failures. soo true!!! You are great Miss Belle. Hope you are having a ball!!!

  5. *Know that if he is The One, he would be The One. When it works, it’s pretty simple with only minor hiccups, ie. it works. When you’re forcing it? It’s not working. Stop and look for the Next One (this goes in every list because no matter how many times I write it, I get emails from women wondering what to do with a man who clearly isn’t interested.)

    *Love is a verb. Having the emotion means absolutely nothing if it’s not followed through with action.

    I started figuring this out a few years ago and while I still make mistakes every now and then, I can say that sentiments like these are what I keep foremost in my mind and navigating through dating has never been easier. Even as a teen I never believed that relationships should be as difficult as a lot of people make them and I’m glad that at 28, I still think that way. The moment I feel like it’s being forced, I know it’s time to cut it loose because it’s just drama waiting to happen. I’d rather be single and at peace than be bitter in an emotionally draining relationship. Dating is crazy these days but I know that eventually, I’ll meet someone that’s I’m truly compatible with and I just try to have fun along the way!

    My bestie recommended that I read your your blog last month because she felt like my dating stories mirrored many of yours, lol. I’ve been reading it daily ever since! Great post.

  6. “*Angry does not equal strong, it equals angry. You don’t have to be an angry Black woman to be a strong Black woman.”

    -oh the irony, i’m writing something about this now. Please, women listen to what she is saying.

    oh and “*Good men make bad mistakes. That said, there’s a difference between a moral failing and a mistake. Forgive mistakes. Get rid of moral failures. ”

    -i live by something similar to this, my quote goes ‘Love is forgiving mistakes, not condoning habits’

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