When is it okay to date an associate’s ex? (note the distinction: I did not say “friend.” I will not date anyone my friends have dated or humped**)
For my entire dating life, I’ve operated by what I call the Golden Rule of Relationships. That is, under no circumstances do you date an associate’s former flame. That broad definition of a man who was once important but is no longer included anyone that paid for dates of anyone in my wide-reaching circle, all their exes (of
course), jump offs, one night stands, and anyone I was aware that a current associate was crushing on whether he’d expressed mutual interest or not. Oh, and no one remotely close to an ex BF and when asked not to pursue, take the L. I figure this is a ladies’ game and all must show respect to keep the operation running smoothly.
I was steadfast about this and it made sense because… Well, why would I want to violate these rules? Associates don’t need dick in common anymore than friends do. It’s just bad business.
But as the dating game continues, my social life keeps expanding to include more associates, and Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, LinkedIn, and other social networking sites unite the world in one common group associate-ship, it’s become increasingly difficult to meet anyone that hasn’t known someone I know in the biblical sense, much less paid for a few dinners. (My crew is 27+) That and I realized people were holding claims on people that were, frankly, ridiculous. Like, I’m sorry, you dated him in college. That was 10 years ago. Let it go. Or even: he was a JO for 3 months 3 years back and you want to call off-limits? Let it go.
Naturally, I thought the rules should adjust to accommodate the new social setting. So I planned up…what else? New rules, ie the Dating Code of Honor. It’s less about a preference for having dick in common (not preferred) with your Facebook friends and more about opening up a wider dating pool, less single ladies be forced to dabble with the oldies, the meanies, the uglies, the brokies and the otherwise dysfunctional and undesirable for the sake of meeting someone “new.”
So I set forth the following:
Rule 1: Married folk must remove all exes from their personal basket and return items to the shelf for consumption by the general market. Said married people are not obligated to hook up, arrange blind dates, or introduce their single friends to said exes.
Rule 2: Currently booed-up people can still claim exes off-limits, if the ex is within the last three years. Upon entering a monogamous relationship, they must release all exes with whom they parted ways more than three years back into the open market for general consumption.
Rule 3: All college boos must be released back into the open market for general consumption at three years post graduation.
Rule 4: All BIG’S remain off-limits to the circle of associates, regardless of marital/dating status. This is a no if’s and’s or buts. Break this rule, and it will get you cut off for an extended period of time.
Rule 5: One-night stands are in play after ninety days.
Rule 6: Jump-offs who have not been active for more than twelve months are fair game.
Rule 7: Your ex’s inner circle of friends remains off-limits unless the ex grants permission. His associates are fair game without asking permission.
Rule 8: In the case of a man who has been “claimed,” i.e., an interest has been expressed, but a return interest has not been expressed, said man is in play of friends and associates after a period of seven days.