Just My Thoughts Man…… Guest Post By: J.Alden

“Because I always feel like running, not away because there is no such place, because if there was I would have found it by now” – Gil Scot Heron

Have you ever had a drink of water from a hose that doesn’t have a spicket or seen blood ooze so profusely from a wound that there are never enough bandages of tourniquets to stop the hemorrhaging? Well…at times that is how my brain operates. It seems to be the preferred method that my brain has chosen to filter its knowledge to me, and at times my mouth ignites a bountiful avalanche of, well…shit. Let’s just say I have diarrhea of the mouth and an extreme desire to get it out, wipe it clean, and erase the stink. The point that I am getting at is this, we all have thoughts that are random, that may not necessarily fit into a box or walk the straight and narrow yellow brick road that points us straight to the wizard. So ease on down the road with me on this random rendition of recent recognitions of life.

Please keep up as I will use topics as launching pads of discussion…Disclaimer: I am not licensed nor a credential carrying member to discuss of the topics that I will embark upon, they are merely MY opinions. Enjoy…

Chivalry isn’t dead, we just won’t allow it to live…Allow a man to be a man, furthermore demand it. Growing up being reared by two very strong women (mom, grandma) I was FORCED to hold open doors, walk near the curb when walking down the street with a woman, place a hand out when walking up a curve and offering to pay the bill when out on dates. It was so bad, that my mother would literally sit in the car and wait for me to come around and open the door for her. What seemed like such a pain at the age of 14 had truly turned into a marketing plow as I’ve become an older man. Ladies demand it or be left with the door closing in your face…

Keeping up appearances…I have a few issues that I need to address with the male gender.

Music selecting in the car: When riding in a car with your boys it is NOT hot to have “Single Ladies” blasting with the windows down as you sing ALL of the lyrics…LOUDLY. If I see this again I will pull my car over, get out and smack each individual who participates in this poppycock…

“In those Jeans”: Fellas, there is one simple rule of wearing your jeans. And it’s as follows: if they are tighter than your girl’s, don’t dare wear them. Side note: Please stop wearing skinny jeans and sagging them below your ass. You are not Trey Songz, Lil Wayne or Drake, who by the way are all gay…

When approaching random women: I get it, no one wants to get played or be told no. It can be quite embarrassing especially if you have an audience, i.e. your boys dared you to go to the bar and talk to the most attractive woman in the building. Odds are, they are watching with hopes and dreams that you fail…so they can laugh…out loud (LOL). However, if she tells you she is not interested, which she probably will because of the jeans you have on, PLEASE don’t say any of these things: “You are not all of that”, “If I was your man I would…”OR “FUCK YOU, you aint nothing but a stuck up bitch”. What happens to you next is justified so don’t even get mad…

I really don’t like you, but I still love you…I believe that anyone that has earned their puberty stripes and has lived long enough to have experienced a time when the coolest thing to have was a pager can relate to this. You have gotten to a point in your relationship where the two of you don’t click to the point of creating a very unpleasant dislike for your significant other. If you don’t listen to anything else that I tell you PLEASE take head to this: Ask yourself what have YOU done or NOT done to help drive this relationship to the edge of this cliff? It will change the reaction you get and may make this phase go away extremely quickly…

I don’t normally watch the BET awards because, well…they suck. But I made a point to watch this year’s rendition and well, they still sucked but there were some pleasant points from the ceremony.

Best Performance: Ledisi tributes Teena Marie…It wasn’t even close either. This performance made me download everything that she has ever put out as an artist. Not that I wasn’t aware of her talent, but damn, she SANG that joint.

Best Looking: Nia Long, my LORD! I think she is like 65 years old and even being that much everyone else’s senior AND pregnant, she was flawless.

Funniest Moment: “The Real Husbands of Hollywood”…Kevin Hart outdid himself with the help of Nick Cannon, Nelly, Jermaine Dupri and Bobby Brown rounding out the cast. It was hilarious and one of the few bright spots of the show.

Now, I could place the rest of the show in the Worst Of…category but there were some things that were just awful, even for BET.

Worst Live Vocals: Trey Songz…he sounded like a goat, and no, that is not an acronym.

Worst Live Performance(s): Yeah…take your pick. But this new hip hop just is not good live. Rick Ross, Drake, Weezy F, Ace Hood and whoever else was on the stage 90 times, please get off and don’t get back up there. Thanks!

Worst Hair: Alicia Keys…wow, it was really bad!

Worst Acceptance Speech: Nicki Minaj…

And Steve Harvey, I hate you…that is all!

Hell ward Bound…The people listed are some of the worst to walk or have walked the planet. “Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in hell” – Samuel L. Jackson (my favorite actor), “A Time to Kill”

Casey Anthony: For obvious reasons, but in case you are not fully aware of what she did (but was found NOT guilty) of, here goes: She killed her 2 year old daughter by putting homemade chloroform over her mouth, duct taped her mouth and nose and left her to decompose. She lied to authorities about her child being drowned, having been in the custody of a person who didn’t even exist and living the lifestyle of a mother that could care less. Her mother then waited 31 days to file her as missing…Her time will come and when it does…THAT revolution should be televised.

Bishop Eddie Long: For more of less not being the man of God that he tells other men to be. But more specifically for having a marriage ceremony with a DUDE, for sending pornographic pictures of himself to a DUDE and acting like a Catholic priest…for gaying down little dudes. We have all been bamboozled by this “man” on so many levels. He is in the group of “I’m not guilty but I will settle out of court for millions of dollars so that I am not exposed for my NON guilt”…REALLY?! He’s a fraud to Christians and to me that will get you a one way gasoline underwear marinated trip to H E double hockey sticks!

Osama Bin Laden:  For making gas prices go up…Burn, Burn, and Burn!!

“I am Music”…Lastly, the best album that I have heard lately is “Late Nights, Early Mornings” by Marsha Ambrosius. I loved Floetry and everything they did together but damn Natalie Stewart was holding Marsha back apparently. If you haven’t heard it, cop it! Cee Lo’s “The Lady Killer” and Chris Brown’s “F.A.M.E” are also very solid. And do NOT sleep on Kelly Price and Tank’s new albums respectfully.

I appreciate Cam extending the invitation to be a guest blogger and I look forward to any future endeavors. Feel free to discuss and leave comments.  Until next time, I’m out…Holla!!

Gil Scot Heron, Rest In Peace!

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22 responses to “Just My Thoughts Man…… Guest Post By: J.Alden

  1. I was wondering when the post was coming..We been hearing a lot about this guest blogger. FIrst I want to give props where props are due. This was well written. Secondly, it’s good to see things from another males prospective cause these ladies on this joint, seem to always want to dig into the men on here.

    There isn’t anything for me to even debate on this topic. I am with you on every point you said….Pass this man a beer, and keep the party started. Look forward to reading more of work. It’s the shit we all thinking but nobody wants to say.

    As far As When Approaching Random Women….come on dawg you know some chicks handle shit real immature like, and they need to hear more than itch please….

    When you posting again

  2. Good Job J.Alden. You do pretty Good. Are you someone that CamronZoe has written about? What are you initials. (Just Teasing) but no forreal? I just want to know what’s up with the skinny jeans, just because it’s fashion doesn’t make it right.

    As for the chivalry and men – those are things men refuse to do now. I think as ladies we accept not having these things because men don’t do them, we deserve those things, and as ladies we should expect it, and even demand it.

    I love you but I hate you – HELL YEAH, been there done that, and it’s GREAT to see a man that is willing to take a look in the mirror and see what he is doing wrong in the relationship. Hell that would make a sista doing wrong change her evil ways..BOY I am with you. Sometimes that talk is all it takes.

    Bishop Long – well he needs JESUS in the worst way. we all need him, but some more than others. I feel like he is a man of GOD, and he will pay for his sins like we are but in his position, I really thought he would have stepped down.

    Casey Anthony – O.J. All OVER!

    **Thanks CamronZoe, for the guest blog…I am looking forward to reading the eyes of the world thru a mans point of view.

  3. The BET AWARDS are always awful.. I don’t even know why Black People waste their time watching them. We should ban together as a people, and agree to veto it, and just maybe they would rethink the things that they are placing on T.V. for African Americans to watch. Videos, and BET alone, are destroying our children, and lowering the way America views our culture.

    Gosh, you have so many ideas, it would take me forever to comment on them all. To sum it all up though I agree with the things you were saying. Like the above post said, we all think this stuff but we say it with our friends and co-workers around the water fountain, or on facebook. It’s good to be put out on the blog so that everyone can see and comment.

    It’s funny to hear a guy dissing Alicia Key’s hair. It was a terrible mess. She looked as if she hadn’t ran a comb thru it since her baby was born. Just goes to show the ladies that men do notice that stuff, and that men talk about it.

    I hope to read more of your work. I am a fan. I was cracking up the entire.

    O’ just one complaint. The beginning was a little ummm gross. I don’t think I needed that whole blood visual 🙂

  4. CamronZoe I always read your blog over & over yet never comment. I think that’s somewhere on my list with calling people and not leaving messages, although your blog doesnt have caller id. *i digress*

    It wasnt until I was in my mid twenties that I had a date with someone that he brought me a gift upon arriving at my home. I was shocked. It was one of the best dates of my life. A book of art, flowers by Georgia O’Keefe, and our date…a trip to the Modern Art Museum and dinner at a quaint Italian eatery. The quintessential gentleman…and I’ve not had a date like that since. *sigh* Something that will always stick in my mind.( You are alright in my book J.Alden) I think more men, should go back and read etiquette and learn how they should treat women.

    Even in 2011, I dont think chivalry is lost, most just dont know the true definition. (or perhaps have friends with the name..*lol*) You should write more blogs and teach them.

    Love’d Your Words, as well as CamronZoe

  5. Nice Read! Next time tell us what you think about the women buying everything they have. You roll up to a woman, and you have to scan her to see if she is plastic or real. I’m curious to hear your take on women being fake. Explain to the ladies how no man wants to take her home, and she start pulling off her hair, nails, butt, breast, teeth and all that other shit in a pile. Speak on it man. Can’t wait to read the world thru your mind.

    One question though? Why is it that you don’t like Steve Harvey?

  6. KUDDOS!

    I didn’t think your words would be much interest because I enjoy CamronZoe so much. They were funny, and rich, and very true. I think we can all agree that you put our thoughts in a glass jar, and topped it with a lid full of holes. I enjoyed the read. Very well written.

    **Come back now….ya hear**

  7. I’m usually the one having to speak on behalf of the men. It’s good to have another male to take the heat forreal.

    Reading your blog was like replaying the shit I say everyday. Good Job.

    Can’t wait to read more of your work. Thumbs Up!

  8. Do you really open doors? Some men say that but they never do it when it counts. I am a firm believer in those old fashion values.

    Why don’t you like Steve Harvey? I can just about guess why you’re not feeling Minaj. I don’t like her too hot either.

    Will you be appearing weekly?

    Are you in any of the other blogs?

  9. you have my read..this was like reading a comic strip. great visual by the way..i can see your mom saying open the door, while she sitting in the seat.

  10. I would just like to say thanks to J.Alden For agreeing to write a blog for me today.

    I have been asking him to make an appearance for some time , and up until recently he has objected. I have been knowing J.Alden for sometime now, and I can always count on him to give his opinion. In our conversation he is always stating that he has no problems at all speaking his mind. Obviously you all see that he doesnt!

  11. facebook wouldn’t let me reply for some reason. but i just wanted to say that i enjoyed reading your post. we need more intelligent post written by men for men. women think they always know how we think, and they DON’T. (no offense CamronZoe, cause I enjoyed reading about your affairs too.).

    maybe you can let this dude come back, and do something like a commentary like Rowland does on Tom Joyner.

  12. I’m with Stormy Day – are you going to shine the light on the world from the single mans view?

    Will you be coming back to write soon? I agree with the other guy that said you should do a weekly commentary.

  13. go j.alden…i have this feeling that i know who j.alden is…but it can’t be….it just can’t be….

    good job though!

  14. I would like to thank you all for taking the time to read my randomness, trust me, there is alot more where that came from. I am going to try to address everyone’s questions, so bear with me…

    I definitely plan on returning to do this again. I do not know what the frequency of that will be, it will have to be discussed with Ms. Blogger herself. But I think something can be arranged, right Cam? LOL

    No Sissy Gal, I have not been the topic of any previous blog, at least not directly. So you can’t find my initials…yet! Brook, my apologies for the vivid imagery, but I am a writer. If I can’t make my words create an image in your mind then I should retire my pen and pad (well laptop, but you get the point), right?! Hahahaha

    Ok, in brief I don’t like Steve Harvey because somewhere along his spiritual journey of being transformed (is he really?) he somehow forgot that he used to be the same man that he tells women to run the opposite direction from. He comes across as holier than thou and I hate that characteristic in people. I am all for a man that acknowledges his sin, repents and accepts Jesus as his savior…but don’t act as though your bowel movements no longer stink. Hope I answered that for you all.

    DonQ, you do sometimes fight a lonely battle, I have seen some of your debates. LOL! its allgood, keep voicing your opinion and don’t let the ladies dog you too much. We gotta stick together man! Fellas, I got your back…just don’t say any stupid shit, I can’t cosign that. LOL!

    Lauren and StormyDay, I can speak from more than one label from a relationship standpoint so from a creative standpoint, I try not to pigeonhole myself. So this will be very random. Rashaad, I am a fan of Roland, so that actually would be a great idea. PatriciaWoo, my mom did not and still does not play when it comes to manners. She is very old school (not to mention that she’s a preacher…that’s another blog, LOL)

    Ariel, I am glad that I changed your preconceived notions. Cam is a great writer so I understand the reluctance. Sean, LeeWard, Chris B., Kewon, Roderick I appreciate it fellas. Oh Sean, the “fake” woman is NOT whats hot in the streets (but thats another blog as well). So I feel you homie.

    Melison…you think you know who I am huh? You may…only time will tell.

    CamronZoe, again it was a pleasure to be asked to give my input. YOU know all too well that I speak my mind and I know you dont always love it. LOL! If you will have me back, I would definitely return. As I’ve told you, your writing skills are remarkable and I’m a fan on and off the blog. Thanks!

  15. It is so not cute to see a man blasting Single Ladies in his car. I know if I heard or even saw that I would automatically think this man has too much sugar in his tank. I am all for the man with the soft side, but leave the soft side behind the closet.

    J.Alden, what about the man who is in the car with his girlfriend, and he’s blasting WuTung, or Wocka Flocka or some other loud gangster rap music. There is nothing worse than sitting in the car, wanting to change the station while he’s jamming to some mess that you don’t even understand. THEN, and ONLY THEN, is it okay to put on some Single Ladies!

    Good Job, Guest Blogger.

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